Floating in Port Wine

I have a confession to make. I don’t want to have a child and I am not sure if I ever will. Is it because I think I will be a bad mother? Perhaps. Is it because I fear the childbearing process? Most definitely.  

A lot of my girlfriends think that this is just a phase that I am going through, but what if it isn’t? Is it that bad? Is it horrible of me to think that being pregnant is a miracle – no doubt – that seems so alien like? Is it horrible of me to feel sick to my stomach every time a woman tells me about the process of giving birth?  

Don’t get me wrong. I want to get married, I do love being around children and I do believe that motherhood is such a beautiful phenomenon, but the idea of bringing another human being into the world, and being responsible for that individual is just too much of a burden for me. Some days I can hardly handle myself. I don’t think I can handle the pressure of being a parent.  Maybe my views will change one day or maybe it won’t. Who knows?