Floating in Port Wine

Before you even start thinking about beginning a new journey, you have to come clean. Regardless of what it is you want to pursue, you have to dig deep and understand what it is that has been holding you back. I have learnt that if you don’t honestly look at the problem at hand, you are bound to fail.

For me, my down fall has always been food. It is my drug of choice when problems arise in my life. Although food addiction may not be perceived as negatively as addiction to drugs, alcohol or sex, it essentially is the same. It is a coping mechanism that helps you deal with unwanted realities.

I have been yo-yo dieting for as long as I can remember and I truly want it to stop this year. It is not good for my body, mind or soul.

I’ve signed up for Bob Greene’s webcast tomorrow at Oprah.com and the first thing that I am required to do is to honestly answer these five questions. If you like, you can answer them with me.

1. What are you hungry for?

I am hungry for success. I feel that ever since I left college in 2005 I haven’t done anything productive to advance my career. I have been hopping from one job to another and I am genuinely lost. I don’t know what to do. I used to be the top student in my class and I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know who I want to be. I have lost the passion and the drive that made me succeed. I am just floating by without a clue and it scares me.

2. Why are you overweight?

I am currently not overweight, but this is an issue for me because I know that I can be. With a snap of the finger, I can very easily fall off the wagon. I am concerned because I have bad eating habits. I am addicted to sugar.               

3. Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?

I believe that my problem is that I have never taken the time to analyze the issue. In the past it has always been only about how I look on the outside. I have never asked myself why I overeat. I knew that I ate when I was depressed, but I didn’t know the root of my depression. I have been depressed and angry since I was young. I have a self confidence issue and I know that if I don’t address that, I will always have a problem with food.         

4. What in your life is not working?

Me. I am not working and functioning to my fullest potential in everything. I know I have so much to give, but my problem is that I don’t really know what I want from my life. I don’t really know what I want to do. I have vague ideas and images, but I don’t have any specifics. I don’t know who I am or who I want to be. That is my problem. That is why I am not advancing in my career. That is why I am still living with my parents. That is why outside of work, I don’t have a social life. My love life is nonexistence. There is no progression. I am stuck.

5. Why do you want to lose weight?

It’s not about the number. For me it is about getting fit and eating healthy. Why do I want to do it? Because I know that if I am not balanced, body, mind and soul, I will not be able to achieve my goals. Something will always be missing and I will never be able to reach my full potential. It’s about balance and harmony.